Forget the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics. We Want The Olympics in Grand Bend!


The Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia are now upon us. From snowboarding to ski jumping to hockey, you can be sure the Rapaport family plus their assortment of staff, friends and frenemies will be watching as closely as the rest of us. But what if the Olympics came to Grand Bend? Here’s what we think the top sports of the Grand Bend Olympics would be…

1. Beach Volleyball. The Grand Bend Olympics wouldn’t be the Grand Bend Olympics without beach volleyball. It’s a favourite pastime among locals and tourists alike, and the biggest spectator sport Grand Bend has.


2. Tray Carrying. When Cocos is at it’s most packed, carrying drink orders to tables is a sport of its own. It’s like running  a timed obstacle course. It requires skill and great balance unless you want someone to wear those drinks — and that in Olympic sport parlance is enough to get you disqualified.


3. Bikini Contest. It may not be an actual sport, but that hasn’t stopped Cocos from training potential champions year after year. They’re getting pretty good at it too. Like any good host country, Cocos has the deck STACKED with staffer Robyn.


4. Competitive Car Washing. No one gets a car cleaner, and looks better doing it, than Cocos pinch hitter Chad. Like most of Canada’s Olympic athletes, Chad spends lots of time at the gym and has a part-time job. He may not be the quickest. But he is the most determined!


5. Marathon Dancing. In the Grand Bend Olympics there is no last call. How long can you stay on the dance floor before you start to feel the muscles in your legs tire out? Drink lots of water and dress in light, breathable material. This is a marathon to end all marathons!


6. Shady Lane Clean-up. Have you seen what Shady Lane Cottages can look like after a long night of beer pong? This isn’t something that can be pulled off by some slouch. It requires the stamina and mental fortitude of an Olympic athlete.


7. Door Sharking. Getting people on the street into the bar requires skill. Make no mistake, being a good door shark requires stamina, guile and a super-human ability to engage anyone. Plus a nice smile helps.


9. Drinking. If drinking were a sport, Coco’s patrons would breeze to an easy gold. They don’t call it Grand Benders for nothing.


10. High Kicking. High Kick is named after what he’s great at, and he’s been practicing his whole life. If this were a sport, High Kick would be the undisputed champion.


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