Tips For Mayor Rob Ford: How To Go On A Grand Bender And Not Get Caught
No matter where in the world you live, by now you’ve heard of Toronto’s Mayor Rob Ford. Whether it’s swigging a mickey of Russian Prince Vodka in a park named after his Dad or stumbling around the Mayor’s office with a half full bottle of brandy, the man likes to party. But he got busted, and now he’s in hot water. It’s a rookie mistake. Here are some tips for Mayor Rob Ford on how to go on a grand bender — and not get caught.
1. If you’re lit, stay away from the office. No matter what you’re drinking, responsibility is a bad chaser.
2. Are you the only one that’s trashed? Are you the centre of attention? And are people are egging you on? It might be that they’re laughing at you — not with you.
3. Make sure no one is pointing their camera at you. Remember real friends don’t record their ‘besties’ during their most embarrassing moments.
4. Whiskey breath is a dead giveaway for what you’ve been doing with your afternoons. Keep a pack of mints or eat something with lots of garlic to mask that smell.
5. If you’re running around like a mad man (or dancing up a storm), you might sweat through that shirt of yours. Always have a back up wardrobe you can throw on in a pinch.
6. If you are going to drink in public, put it in a Tim Horton’s cup. No one will suspect a thing. Oops … already got that one covered!
7. Vodka is clear and doesn’t have a strong smell. You could fill up a water bottle and no one would be the wiser.
8. Periodically call home and check in. You don’t want anyone out looking for you when you’re not ready to be found.
9. Don’t get so blackout drunk that you’ll smoke anything that’s put in front of you.
10. Know when to say when. If everyone is telling you you’ve gone too far and need some help, it’s best to listen.